“The Little Girl Inside You is Screaming to Be Loved—Why You Keep Choosing Emotionally Unavailable Men”

if you’ve ever found yourself falling for someone who couldn’t love you back, this might hit close to home. So many of us are walking around with a little girl inside—crying out to be seen, heard, and held. She’s the younger version of you who learned, somewhere along the way, that love had to be earned... that she had to perform to be worthy... that her needs were too much.

And here’s the real kicker: that inner child often becomes the silent matchmaker behind your dating decisions. When you're repeatedly drawn to emotionally unavailable men, it’s not random—it’s familiar. It’s what she knows. She’s chasing the love she didn’t get back then, hoping that this time, she’ll finally be chosen.

The problem? Those emotionally unavailable partners only reinforce the wound. They confirm the belief that you’re hard to love or not enough. And that keeps the cycle going.

So what can you do to heal?

First, you have to acknowledge her. Your inner child isn’t trying to sabotage you—she’s trying to keep you safe in the only way she knows how. She’s looking for resolution, not chaos. But now, you are the adult who can choose differently.

Start by:

• Writing a letter to your inner child. Ask her what she needed back then that she didn’t receive. Then give it to her—through your words, your self-care, and your choices.

• Noticing your triggers. When you feel panic, clinginess, or obsession rise up in dating, ask: “Is this my adult self, or my little girl responding?”

• Creating emotional safety. That means choosing consistency, not chemistry. Safety over sparks. You can still have passion, but not at the expense of your peace.

  
  

When you start loving that little girl the way she always needed, the woman you are today will start choosing differently.

And sis—you are worthy of real, safe, secure love. It begins with you.